He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
