my phone needs a breathalizer
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
