You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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