what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
