Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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