I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
