I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He kissed a someone with a penis
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
