ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
