I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
