Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
