If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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