he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Still dying that you shit outside
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
