blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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