I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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