that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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