My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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