i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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