This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
