god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
