already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
