I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
