I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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