if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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