THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
