If i come over, it means nothing
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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