16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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