There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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