i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
