Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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