Moan for me like Helen Keller
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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