Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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