Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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