I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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