Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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