im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
