God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
