Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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