First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
