i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize