My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize