A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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