my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
