they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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