she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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