here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
