That's intense
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
