if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
