I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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