he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
