Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
