had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize