U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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