I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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