My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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