I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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