Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
