No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
