I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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