I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
high people should be assigned attendants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
