I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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