if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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