my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
