You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
