Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
