I wish life had little blips of pornography
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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