i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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