This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
