I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
