You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
