I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
