she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
