The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
