There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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